Why is letting go of someone so hard

I can now start to heal knowing I have given her one last thing that makes her happy. I have struggled with letting go of a past relationship for 9 months. For the first few months, it was devastating, I would be depressed all of the time, missing her, missing the moments, just miserable all of the time. Now I find myself trying to relive it the past relationship , as if it were the present, to avoid having to let go, and face reality that it will never be again.

Ive been seeing a therapist, taking medications, anything possible. But im so deep into the depression, that at times It feels like there is no getting out. That is a good way of describing it. This post is well so said. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. Thanks for your generous comment. Glad you appreciated knowing a way out. Hope these approaches work for you.

Hope you are well. Hmmmm …. Typical of me, I decided one day that I have to sit down and read all your posts, starting with No. Reality is, I get one in my email.

Read it. Click on some link in it and read that one. And today, the same pattern. Except … except today I am smiling and I feel happy. It might be catching!! Anyway — that is all a long preamble really. So, I read this post and then that one and nothing happened in any order.

I still ended up here. Which is where I wanted to end up anyway. The distant past does make me smile sort of. I did lots of silly things and experienced a lot of hurt. But, strangely, I do cherish it. I feel more complete for some of the suffering — like I have some dimension now.

What I wish I had done was learn from it. In not learning from it I condemned myself to repeating it and to also walling off things in order to avoid pain in the future. The recent past is what is hurting now.

I want to feel enriched by the experience, but all I can feel is the pain. Which is dulled now, anyway, because it is too hard to live with that intensity of hurt. The more I read of things, the more I feel totally controlled by my ego. I would walk out into a new life. So I guess this is where all the hard work is. Oh — and the future. And, yet, I am kind of resigned to it — as in: It will be what it will be.

And my ego is saying — I am the victim again. I must have something wrong with me. I am a failure. I am controlled by it and just reacting to it all the time.

What I have learned from your post is that I think I can cherish even this recent past. The pain is being caused by ego. The love was pure. It still is. It is still out there and I think it is still nurturing. The future is actually full of possibility. The fear is just ego resisting that possibility if that makes any sense. The future will always be there and so will all the possibilities. I can chose what I want or need from whatever is available at the time.

Thanks for your post, Daphne. You have amazing insight. Reading what you write just spreads calmness everywhere. I am so happy that you are finding this useful. Letting go is very very hard, and I struggled with it a lot and still do. The good news is, it gets easier with practice! Thanks Tunde for leaving a comment. Tangled webs indeed. And those webs trap so much of our time and energy. Thanks for your lovely comment as usual.

Thank you for sharing something so personal. It must have torn you apart to have to let go of someone you loved so much. I love what you said — that when you heard the goodbye with unconditional love, there was only acceptance.

So true! I really appreciated reading about that on your blog, and look forward to hearing about developments in your life on that front. People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. EMDR and tapping can both help you to safely face your fears around the situation, delve into them and move past them.

The support of someone certified to practice EMDR or tapping can be especially beneficial as they can be a more objective observer of you, your thoughts and the related emotions. They can help you to see your blind spots — the areas that may have caused you problems much of your life. This process is like peeling an onion. Each session can bring you a little closer to your True Self and a better understanding of more supportive ways of handling future situations.

As new thoughts, feelings and emotions arise between sessions, write about them in your journal. Dig deep. Journaling is a powerful tool that allows you to delve deeper and release what your monkey mind keeps pent up by its constant chatter.

Feeling the difficult feelings of something you want to let go of, examining how they manifest in your body and journaling about it all is a process of moving through and past your fears and creating a more empowered life. You have the ability to create more empowering stories about it. Everyone lives in their own reality based on the stories they tell themselves about who and how they are. What do you want to let go of?

What patterns would you rather not repeat? What new narrative can you apply to the past to support your True Self? The law of attraction suggests that our positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences. My latest book, The Mindful Guide to Law of Attraction , pairs that belief with the powerful practices of mindfulness. Let the law of attraction work for you by adopting its basic steps of identifying and visualizing the things you desire.

Then use 45 practical meditation techniques included in the book to achieve awareness. This is a wonderful process, Paige. I wish I had a process like this at the time. I have found that have let go over time, primarily through my work in somatic based therapy.

Thanks again for this process. Sandra Pawula recently posted.. How to Prepare for Death Just in Case. Thank you Sandra! Somatic therapy is definitely powerful!

Paige Oldham recently posted.. Letting go is the toughest thing in life, whether it is a small thing or a big thing. And oh yes, that monkey is always screeching in my head when it comes to resolving something. It seems like our minds are wired to hang on to things. Great steps here. Always a delight to read your insightful posts! Thank you Vidya! I want to ask for a permission to translate this article to Bahasa Indonesia.

I hope that people in my country who do not possess English skill can read this article in our language, get benefit from it, and improve their life. Thank you. Syamhudi recently posted.. These steps really help people who wants to let go.

Basically, letting go is not easy but if we implement these steps in our life then it can really ease letting go process. Aron Antonucci recently posted.. Paige, I love the steps you mentioned in this article. They are so doable and do yield great results if we stay on it. Thank you, Zeenat! Yes, making it a regular practice is what brings results. Paige Burkes recently posted..

Hi Paige…wise tips on letting those toxic emotions go. Actually, there are as many realities as there are people looking at the situation because each person makes up their own story about it based on their past, beliefs, and emotions. You keep hoping for what you are imagining to be what you are experiencing instead of the reality. Please, pinch yourself. You are awake. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you will be able to process this and heal.

When things end, you can be tempted to see it as you failing to keep things going. You can become very focused on how you could have been better and seeing the other person as being in the right all the time. You need to know that both parties are human.

You are not a failure and you have not failed just because you need to say goodbye. It does not mean that it gets easier, but it would benefit you to see how it is just a part of the process of living. Highs and lows are what mountains and life are made of. Sometimes, you are forced to let go before you are ready and there is no follow-up conversation, there are no last words, there is no clearing the air. Either way, it hurts. You do have to let go of who this person has been and what they have contributed to your life and you still want them to stay.

You still think you can change their mind. So you hold on. You keep texting, you keep praying, you keep hoping, and you keep hurting. Teach yourself to breathe, and to release slowly. Let them go because they want to go.

Real love is never forced. You know this. Choose to trust the process. Healing is rarely pain-free or quick. Lean into what you are experiencing, and then take steps beyond what you are feeling.